Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My grandmother created me




Yes, that sounds strange. It is strange even to me. She did this, she made me, she created me. And she doesn't even know it. How can she, it was so long ago. I hardly remember it. Does she? Maybe?

What's my earliest memory of dressing? Why, my earliest memory. What could I have been? Three? Four?

Why? Why would she have done that? I remember it, but never again. It wasn't a theme, a constant, through childhood. And I spent so much time there. But the memory is there. Burned. Deep.

Three or four. Dressed in nylons. Why? Did I find them? Was I playing with them? Did I try them on? Did she put them on me? If so, why? Why would she have done that? But she did. I'll never forget it.

Sitting in the bedroom with her. Wearing nylons. Watching her. Watching my heavyset grandmother in a girdle, stockings. A woman and a girl. Her and me. A woman and a sissy.

And thus, I was created. Whatever genetics made, life altered. Nature, whatever it was, was altered by nurture. Did I always have it? The "sissy" gene? Was it always there? Was it always to be a part of me?

I don't know. I can't know. But, at age three, it was turned on. No matter what was to happen, to follow, I'd never be without that feminine part of me.

2 comments:

  1. For me it was three events:

    First, I was in kindergarten and always seemed to be playing "house" and playing with dolls with the girls and I would rather do that than play with boys.

    Second, I was in third grade and the girl who sat behind me always looked so pretty. As much as a boy at that age can be I was attracted to her but I also remember thinking I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be pretty like her.

    Third, It was second or third grade and my step-mother put makeup on me. It was the only time she did it but it still stands as one of my key memories from childhood. She put mascara, eye shadow, lipstick, and blush on me. I remember thinking that I liked it, I liked being pretty more than anything.

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  2. Hi Saragirl
    The brain is that it is female or male, not the body.
    We are influenced by society because of the body. If the first was born the brain and then the body, might not have sissies. I said maybe because I like being sissy. I like to have small penis and being submissive. If a woman was perhaps not so.
    Sometimes we need a click to know our place, as you had when you were a child, saragirl and Less Than a man. Many men have the click in adults but the information was already there since birth.
    The world is well done, the society is not leaves. Any woman would love to have a sissy for husband and a man to give them fun. Don't know if you realized what it meant.

    Like your blog.

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