Wednesday, December 18, 2013

New Year's Eve


On New Year’s Eve, Emily and I usually dress up, go out to dinner or a club, generally have fun. That was likely our plan this year, though we hadn’t discussed it until last night. It’s no longer our plan. Friday changes that. He changes that.

“So,” Emily said, “about New Year’s Eve…”

“Same place as last year or you want to try something different?”

She smiled. “Um, yea, something different…there’s this party downtown…”

“A party, Em…” I frowned, I preferred a club to a party, less stuffy, more chance to be me, but I could deal.

“We..…” She bit her lip.

“What?”

“Well, you…you can say no but…”

“But what?”

“Well, I…Jeff kind of asked me to go with him.”

Frankly, I wasn’t surprised, I mean, we’ve been heading to this for months now, the flirting, the lunches, the work event she's going to on Friday with him. She clearly likes him, she’s clearly attracted to him, in a way she hasn’t been attracted to a guy since Evan. I looked at her, she knew what was going through my mind, the hesitation, the pangs of jealousy, but the longing, too, the sexual buttons it pushed inside me. “New Year’s Eve…Em, he…he thinks…”

“I know, love,” she reached over, touched me on the leg. "I know exactly what he thinks."

“You know he wants to...to..."

“I know, of course I know. He's made that perfectly clear, hasn't he?"

“You…you want to, too,” I said, she'd made that as clear to me as he made things clear to her.

She looked down, nodded slightly. “It…it’s been so long, I…I miss it.”

“Is he…I mean, can he…you…you know the risk, Em…and you work with him.”

"Yea," she smiled at that. “He’s not going to fall in love, trust me, Sara, he’s not that kind of guy, I don’t get the impression he’s ever been that kind of guy. He’s a player, I’m the new pretty toy and he wants to play with me.”

“I bet he does," I said, looked away.

“Oh, stop, don’t tell me you haven’t been fantasizing about it as much as I have.”

“So…”

“So…New Year’s…”

"What about Friday?" Her work party. A date, really. Him. Her.

"Yea. I was going to tease but...Friday is, well...that's not happening Friday, Friday is a work thing, I don't want to confuse them. But New Years...I mean...if I decide...if you're okay..."

I pictured her in a pretty dress, on the arm of a handsome man, I pictured the flirting, the teasing, I pictured the end of the evening. And I nodded.

“Hon,” she reached over, lifted my chin so we looked eye to eye. “I’m saying, I’m asking, I…I might…I mean, I want to...I'm asking if it's okay.”

“I know,” I said.

“You can think about it…”

“I…I don’t need to…I...I've already thought about it.”

She gave me a wicked smile. “And something tells me you’re going to think about it constantly.”

Of course I was, I was going to think about my wife, about a man, together, but I thought about all the time already. And what was she thinking about?

“Looks like I’m going to need another new dress…”

********************

I almost didn't post this, I started to, put it in draft, stopped, came back. It's a little incoherent, a little confusing, like my emotions and thoughts and fantasies. 

Sometimes reality is harder than fantasy, more difficult to accept. Fantasy is fun, safe, private. Reality is anxiety, risk, sometimes public.

It's one thing to fantasize about Emily with a man, but it's another thing all together to face the reality of Emily with someone else. Especially when it's a real person.

I should re-read what I typed above, I don't know if I got it right, but part of me doesn't care. 

There's always been the fantasy of cuckolding, but except for the one or two encounters with Evan, it's been "safe." 

But Jeff is reality. Jeff is a man my wife sees on a daily basis, a man who has made no secret of what he wants-her. He doesn't care that she's married, in fact, I suspect it's part of the appeal to him. In a way that makes him "safe" and why Emily is right, he's not going to fall in love with her-knowing what she knows, knowing his reputation, she's correctly assessed he wants her body, not her mind.

I'm not sure what I'll post about this, or when, it depends, I guess, though I'm sure you all want to hear about it.

What's safe from my end? I can say no, she's made that clear, I can say no just like she can say no.

But I don't want to. I'm not going to. 

I like how she gets when she's attracted to a man, her nerves, her excitement. I like watching her get dressed in the morning-lately it's obvious when she's going to see him just from the extra time she spends getting ready.

And I like how it makes her with me-affectionate, playful, a tease, all things that turn me on immensely. 

Because when she says she misses it, what she misses is the things a man gives her, things I can't give her, and quite frankly, don't want to give her.

Day to day she wants me, we both know this.

But from time to time she wants something more.

Maybe I should say no...but the reality is I can't. As anxious as I am, as jealous as I get, I just can't.

19 comments:

  1. Dear Sara,

    Later, when I have access to my computer, I'm going to say more. But for now, I'm going to say, "oh fuck!"

    Kisses,

    Leeanne

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  2. Sara
    Let it happen and when Emily returns make sure you clean her up with your tongue. You'll have the best part of the night doing this and it will be all worth the while.

    Michelle.x

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  3. very nice.... New Years Eve always hold surprises

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  4. i came before the first act break

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  5. This is your blog, and you can post whatever you like. However, as a reader, I'd prefer you post these types of things about your personal life if you intend to share the whole story ... not just tease us with the start. I was pretty disappointed when you had the multi-post build up to Emily's trip to FL to see Evan, and then we never heard any of the sexy details after she returned. Some teasing is good; some is just frustrating and disappointing.

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    1. I agree with "anonymous" here, but in the end it's your blog Sara...

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  6. She is so screwing you. It is one thing to fuck around during the rest of the year, but there is no reason why you shouldn't be together with your wife on NYE of all dates if she truly loved you. Plain and simple, you are being used.

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    1. And I agree even more with this comment... It's obvious you're not treated right !
      Maybe it 's all going a bit too fast ?
      It's not easy to express correctly what I exactly mean but what I'm trying to say is : don't get yourself heartbroken to live your fantasy. I mean, it's one thing that a sexual taboo/border is crossed and that you can come to terms with what you did/had to do because Emily wants you too, it's another thing when you are being denied to really be recognized as an important part of her life. Afterall you are her husband, her partner for life...
      I'm kind of worried about you darling !

      Mr Fish

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  7. Dear Sara,

    i know this is what you both want but a little part of me does feel that you both not being together on New Years Eve is..well..it just seems a bit of a shame, unless that is Emily has ideas for how you might be included in the fun?

    p
    x

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  8. Dear Sara,

    Well, you certainly have prompted all sorts of opinions about how you should live your life with your wife, haven't you sweetie? I suppose this is what happens when one begins to share their personal life with the world. No worries dear. Your relationship with Emily is your business, including whether, and how much of it you share with the world. Frankly , as I read your post I discern the tension that is within you about this potentially momentous event. I speak from experience though when I say that no one - not even someone who has been through what you are experiencing in my own way and set of circumstances - can know how you feel. You love Emily - that much is crystal clear. It is equally clear, at least to me, that she loves you. The two of you have a unique relationship - sissy and wife are not altogether common - and you are navigating it as best you can, all of the difficult emotions that go with it included. In the end, what will be, will be - I truly believe that, and think my own life supports my conclusion. Would you love to be with Emily on New Year's Eve? Of course you would. Will you be? Perhaps. May be things won't work out as she hopes or thinks they may. But however they turn out, you and she will continue to love each other and will move forward, melding this moment in with all of the others that make you, her, and the two of you, special. Of course, I would like to hear the details. On the other hand, if I never do, I respect you so much that I'll not give it a second thought as I know such revelations are not easy to make - and are not for everyone. Thanks for sharing as you have and my best to you. And Emily.

    Hugs & kisses,

    Leeanne

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    1. Loved this response as it is the most honest, thought out and sincere answer. Most just say, F... yes, or no...But life is complicated and one never knows where these decisions lead.
      Wife might find she would have preferred being ith husband, or is glad for the sex. The thing with this is not JUST the sex, but the possibility of it leading in a direction threatening to both, and especially the relationship.
      ronni

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  9. Sara dear, I'm of two minds about what you wrote. I've mentioned in my blog that I spent several years working out of town and where I worked, along with the job I had, did not provide for holidays off unless it fell on a regular off day or you requested and were granted the day off. So I've been there, knowing my wife was in the arms of and, since I wasn't there, spending the night with a man. I know the pain of spending the evening alone at home asleep even before midnight just so it didn't bother me quite as bad or what was worse, spending the night at work thinking about what she was doing. But the problem was, as much as it bothered me, I enjoyed knowing what she was doing. So I understand the angst. You want her with you on New Years but you also want that feeling of, let's call it what it is, humiliation knowing he's doing things for and to Emily that you cannot on your best day do. Believe me, what you are feeling now will be multiplied on New Years and there's an old saying that what you are doing at midnight you will be doing all year. But in the end it's your (and Emily's) decision.

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  10. You only have a limited number of NYE's in Your life. To me this is the one night to spend with the person You love. I have missed several - and I regret each and every one. That kiss at midnight is an affirmation of love...to miss even one is a shame. It makes me wonder if your marriage is evolving from being built on love and trust to a relationship built on power and lust...both can be highly erotic and fulfilling but be careful you don't confuse the two.

    I truly enjoy reading about your relationship - but if it was me this would be a step too far. That said, it is your life and your choice - have the New Year You want and need - may it be a wonderful time whatever happens.

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  11. Truthfully, as someone that isn't a sissy ... this is a complete dick move on his part, and I'm not sure why you'd want your wife with someone that would even entertain the thought of bagging another person's wife on a "holiday" while her husband was home alone, no matter HOW MUCH of a sissy he is. This guy ASKED your wife to accompany him on a huge party night and you didn't think that makes him a complete douche bag? He didn't have any plans of his own for NYE or a date already arranged? Truly sounds like a catch to me .. UGGH!

    From what I have read, both you and Emily are both good people, and it would be great if she could find a side piece that was a lover, but also caring and respectful to both Emily AND you, regardless of how much it turns you on. Having an asshole co-worker of hers plowing her on a night that both of you have always been together for is not going to help at all.

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    1. Sorry that it sounded so harsh, but there are plenty of nights where it would be fine for you to be cuckolded .. probably at least 300 of them every year .. but I don't think THAT one is one of them. Asking her for that night is insensitive at the least, and definitely a dick move in general. Having that sort of judgement makes me question his character to say the least.

      Even more, the fact that she is thinking about this scares me as well. Perhaps she's been blinded by the chase, or is so in love with you and into pleasing you that maybe her bullshit detector is ineffective.

      Once again, I am sorry for being blunt, but you should have people giving you their honest opinions and this one is mine.

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  12. I agree with Dee on this one. He knows she's married, so he should be okay with her being with you that evening. And if all she wanted was to get laid (that part about "I miss it), then she could do that on some other night.

    Having said that, if it excites you to know she's with him, then by all means, go for it. I know I would. I have been waiting for years for my GF to start dating guys again, like she did a few years ago until she had a couple of bad experiences.

    Maybe you could use NYE as a bargaining chip, to get something else you want. Not in a malicious way, just trading--give her this thing she wants in exchange for something that you want.

    xoxoxo

    Christine

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  13. I'm worried for you, Sara my dear. Evan had been a long time friend........... This one is not........
    I truly fear that this door might open and immediately all parties enjoy the fruits of this erotic and sensual/sexual experience.
    But then the aftermath is something that might be devastating to you and to Emily..... Guys like him come and go. But I fear that Emily might be taking you and her past the point of no return. There ALWAYS is a TRUST?RESPECT threshold. Once it is crossed.....you can't go back,
    Best of the Holidays to you and to lovely Emily my dearest Sara

    xoxoxoxo
    Jayme

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  14. Sara,
    I enjoy reading your blog and especially about your relationship with Emily.

    A relationship is a partnership, it works when both partners understand what the other wants needs and likes. Where it becomes out of balance is when one partner starts to suggest what the other partner wants or likes.

    being Emily's Sissy and cuckold is an important part of your relationship, no doubt about that and she is extremely fortunate to have that - please note that I use the words - "She is" not you. you are her submissive, that does not mean that all of the restrictions are on you and your Mistress has all the freedoms, quite the contrary, Being the Dominant comes with responsibilities, it comes with a level of commitment that often dwarfs that of the submissive but most of all it comes with the need to be aware of the feelings of the submissive.

    It is often easy to forget the feelings and emotions of the submissive partner when the game becomes exciting, when the blood is up and the submissive is out of sight, What the Dominant may find on return may be very different from that what was there before they started to forget about their partnership.

    Now, please, please, sit Emily down and talk to her. not as Mistress and Sissy but as partners - call time out - use a safe word what ever you have - but talk to her on a one to one. I'm not saying to change the rules of the relationship, what I say is talk through what your fears/ concerns are, tell her - if my reading of your blog entry is correct - that she is perhaps giving you the answers to her loaded questions rather than genuinely asking the question freely. if it is genuinely what you, Sara, want, then fine, carry on!

    Relationships need both parties to spend quality time together, be that in the dungeon administering discipline or holding hands watching the fireworks on New Years Eve.

    Why have I written these points, well 2 reasons:

    Firstly I have watched a couple who I have been friends with and who are a Mistress and Cuckold have to rebuild their trust and partnership after a Bull started to manipulate the relationship, isolating the cuckold. it took several friends to step in and tell the Mistress that she was being blinded and was neglecting the most important part of her relationship - please take note my dear, talk to Emily - Bulls will play the field and they don't care about who they hurt, some get a real kick out of hurting those partners that they don't have to see or deal with. Don't let that happen to either of you.

    Secondly, my job has over the years had me away from home on some of the most important moments in my life and in the life of my partner. I frequently have to spend time in the worlds Sh*t holes, away from home and away from the company of the one that is important in my life. while a phone call home on Christmas day or new years day may make you feel better it can be very fleeting, after the call you can feel worse, You partner is home in normality, she will be socialising and you miss her company at that moment and it hurts like hell - Trust me laddie/ lassie it can hurt like hell. the only saving grace that I have is that I am generally in company of others feeling the same, away from family and partners and we can share our company - there is nothing worse than being lonely and alone.

    talk to Emily, it is the time of year to show your care and responsibility to the ones that we love and to remember it is a two way street - your devotion should not be taken for granted and your love just accepted, your Mistress MUST work to maintain the relationship and to show her sissy that s-he is the important part of the relationship.

    I wish you both well.

    Regards

    Mac

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    1. At last (Master Mac), a man who is into the BDSM/Fetish scene who understands the dynamics of a partnership relationship. Thank you for talking good sense in an area where sense sometimes seems to be sadly lacking.
      I have been in a relationship with my sissy husband for nearly 50 years, though I would not describe myself as his (sic) mistress - we play the mistress/submissive both ways. And in my view the most important part of this wonderful BDSM/Fetish life is that it should enhance the pleasure of BOTH people in the partnership. Over the years, we have been 'friends' with a number - oh perhaps 10 or so - couples that have evangelised their cuckold lifestyle. Only one of these couples - to our knowledge - is still together, and theirs wasn't so much a cuckold relationship as a menage a trois.
      You must do as you see fit Sara - but don't let your or Emily's fantasies, dreams or desires lead you blindly into destroying something that you might hold more dear than mere temporary gratification.

      Regards
      Mistress Marcia

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