Friday, December 20, 2013

So many thoughts…how to even untangle them?

Several general truths:

1. I love Emily; she loves me.

2. I’m a sissy, always have been, always will be.

3. Emily likes men. While she couldn’t marry one, couldn’t even fall in love with one, she still likes them.

4. I want Emily to fuck a man now and then. I totally want it.

Several specific truths:

1. New Year’s Eve is not a big deal to me as a ‘special’ holiday.

2. Emily wants Jeff to fuck her, ergo, I want Jeff to fuck her.

3. Jeff is not a ‘jerk’ per se. He is an alpha man, though, and alpha men take what they want. That itself is part of Emily’s attraction to him, sexually. The reality it, same with me. He doesn’t want to wine and dine my wife, he doesn’t want to date her, he wants to fuck her. Pure. And. Simple. 

Jeff wants to fuck my wife. He doesn’t care that she’s married, alpha men never care. He doesn’t care that she’s in love, alpha men never care. If anything, the fact that Emily is happily married and in love with to someone so clearly not an alpha man makes him want to fuck her even more, like he senses something missing (a good fuck from a man) and wants to provide it.

Maybe that makes him a jerk, maybe asking Emily to go with him on New Years is part of being a jerk. Maybe. But it isn’t our anniversary, it isn’t my birthday, it isn’t her birthday. 

I showed Emily some of the comments, well the post and comments. Her reaction was basically: “I don’t have to go on New Years, hell, I don’t have to go at all, honey, I want this, but only if you want it, too.”

In the end, New Year’s isn’t the issue to me, not at all. The issue, the only issue, is whether my wife is going to get fucked.

In the end, I want that as much as she does. 


  1. Sara,

    What you just posted reinforces my last comment. No one. No one. No one can know or appreciate what all of this means to you. To Emily. To you and Emily. What matters is the love and what each of you want - individually and collectively - the rest is white noise. What will be will be. Best wishes.



  2. Okay, so you've said "yes" to her request to spend NYE with him. What is she going to do for you in return?

    I know that it hurts your feelings to not spend NYE with her. She should do something equally nice for you.

    And don't give me any nonsense about "all relationships have give and take in them." Of course they do. You're going to be giving up NYE together, for the sake of her desire for this guy. Then it will be time for her to give something to you. Could be anything, but it should be something significant. Significant for you personally, that is.

    Her spending NYE with him is not about the sex. Of course you both want her to get laid. God knows I want my partner to get laid too, just as much. But this is about something else. This is about her wanting to have romantic feelings (even if she knows it's just a fantasy) from being with a guy on a big party night. And it's about the relationship that you have with her, and that she has with you.

    I'll be honest, I think she's the one making a mistake. I don't think you are -- I said before that I would make that same decision you have. Oh God, would I. In a heartbeat. I guess I'm just disappointed that she seems not to be able to verbalize (perhaps even recognize) what I believe to be what's going on in an emotional part of herself.



  3. The question is what are YOU doing on NYE?

    It's a good idea to plan something good for yourself that night to make sure you aren't finding yourself suddenly hurt that you aren't spending the holiday with her.

  4. Dear Sara, sweet Sara,
    I agree totally with Christine.
    The problem is that you are schematizing too much the essentials of your relationship with Emily. You say "I love Emily; she loves me". Good. But what means "love" for you two?
    You say "Emily likes men. While she couldn’t marry one, couldn’t even fall in love with one, she still likes them." I do not understand very well why, but without any doubt there will be some reason in it. In effect you are a very kind person, full of love thoughts for your Emily. I can see it from the things you write in your blog and in your books. When you write something you never tell us imaginary stories, you lay bare all your feelings in the words you write, and you are very good at it. You are also a sissy, a very proud sissy because has married a wonderful "true" woman, but that make you the weak one in the couple. It do not have to be! There is no reason for being so. Your soul is great, and is worthy of everything.
    Now let us come back to the essential question.
    Your love is very clear. You are ever ready to give up all, and so much more, for your love's sake. I'm not speaking about sex, love is another thing. Love is being aware of the attraction of Emily to this jerk and not be able to do anything. Love is making oneself aware of the increasing time that Emily spends with him and don't be good at give her not even a faint protest.
    However what is love for Emily? She married you and even then knew everything about you. She has to have care about you. How does she feel when she leaves you alone in a very cold house while everyone, and above all she herself, celebrate NYE, or some other thing, with another one? Does she feel guilty or doesn't she care?
    You say that NYE is not a big deal to you. Fine, but it should be so for Emily, who should not ever ask to you such an awful thing. She should never ever think to pass NYE away from you.
    If she need sex out of her marriage she can do it whenever she want, but without take away anything from you.
    I hope that the difficulty to express myself in a language not mine has not made less clear my thoughts.
    I embrace you with all my heart and remain your affectionate reader

  5. Sara,

    First and foremost I want to thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Not just this particular moment, but all of your fantasies, lifestyle choices, and experiences. It truly is a wonderful window into a life that's both foreign and intriguing to me.

    I'm not sure I could comment with as much passion as so many others have here. For one thing, your lifestyle is outside of my circle of experience. I'm learning about the sissy/married/cuckold lifestyle BY reading about your and Leeanne's experiences. For another I'm not in (nor have I ever really been in) a committed relationship. While I can imagine what I would do for someone that I love dearly, it would only be an unproven hypothesis until it's put to a real test.

    That being said, here are the things I know and assume about your and Emily's choices and experiences. You love each other. Dearly. I obviously get this more from your perspective, but I haven't heard you speak of any doubts about Emily's feelings toward you. You are in a sissy/cuckold marriage. By definition this involves your wife sleeping with men. I'd say other men, but you are a sissy.

    With that being said, I can't find fault with your or Emily's decision. And while others here seem to want to paint Jeff as a jerk, I look at him as just some external force. His motivations aren't relevant. Would I do something as bold as asking a married woman to go out with me to a NYE party? No. But then again I'm not an alpha in that sense. He is simply something that entices your wife... we wouldn't call an expensive diamond necklace a jerk for attracting your wife's attention.

    I personally don't have any particular love for NYE. I know many find it a special night and the two of you seem to have a tradition of going out, but to me it's just about as significant as any Friday or Saturday night. Date night? Yes. Special? No.

    If you and Emily were in a traditional, Man/Wife, monogamous marriage, I believe most people's reactions here would be more relevant. Upset at having another man ogle, woo, and go out with your wife, and/or demanding that Emily give you something in return for you letting her go out with another man. But I think I see your perspective more.... that having Emily go out with this man is not only for her, it's for you too. Having Emily be happy makes you happy in and of itself.

    So... while others here seem to be upset or trying to buck you up, I just want to say that I'm happy for you and Emily. Is it the choice I'd make? Probably not. But it's your life (lives), and if it makes you both happy, then I'm happy for you!

  6. You say NYE is not a big deal to you, but it obviously is. Why would you otherwise bother posting your original comment if it wasn't important to you? If all you care about is her getting fucked, then time, day of the week, holiday, etc., is always irrelevant. Please be honest with yourself, honey, because while you list specific truths, are they really the truth?

    Her passive/aggressive actions are interesting too. She was going with him without really discussing it with you and had made up her mind, then when you showed her all the comments here and discussed it, she passively backed down but put the onus on you ("If you don't want me to go, then I won't") knowing that you wouldn't make that request of her. Still believe you are being manipulated and used, but that may be part of your cuckold relationship, which only you can determine if that is what you want as part of your life.

  7. Are you going to be a sissy cokold in New Years Eve ?

    Enjoy your humiliation sissy !