Thursday, July 31, 2014

Intimacy


Last night Emily was in the shower after a run; I was sitting on the bed, reading, not really paying to much attention. Until I hear the click of wine glasses.

I looked up, she was standing in the doorway wearing a a champagne colored satin chemise carrying a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. "Whoa," I said, "what...what's this?"

"Intimacy with my pretty, chaste husband," she gave a shy smile.

"Chaste," I said.

"Intimacy," she said in reply, walking to the bed, pouring the wine. "It's important to me...intimacy...with you. Remember when we first met, how we'd sit in bed, cuddle, talk."

"Yea," I smiled, fond memories.

"That's when we fell in love...we get busy with life..." She handed me a glass of wine, got into bed, snuggled against me. "I like this," she touched my arm. "I miss this."

"Em...we always can."

"But we don't enough."

"Are you...are you okay? Are you...compensating?"

"No, sweetie," she looked up at me. "I thought you'd think that...is she forcing this...no...no...no...this, all of this...it makes me feel...close to you...you feel that, right?"

I pulled her against me. "Yea."

"Are you jealous?"

"A little...some..."

"You're okay with that?"

"Yea," I said, "I mean..."

"It turns you on...right"

"Yea," I said again. "It's fucked up."

"So," she said. "Do you feel...I don't know...betrayed?"

I pulled back, looked at her. "Betrayed? No, not at all...jealous...not betrayed. This...this was our decision."

She pulled me back to her. "I...I like attention...he's so....different."

"Are you trolling me," I chuckled.

"No...maybe," she said, "say it then."

"He's a man, Emily, I...I never feel that way."

"Masculine? Dominant?"

"No," I shook my head, "I...never..."

"I wouldn't love you if you did, you know that, right?"

"Of course," I said. "And that's what excites you, right? That he's so different than me."

"This is a terrible analogy, but he's like...I don't know...it's like I'm the horse, he's the rider."

"That's kind of what they do...men...lead...take charge...assert control."

Emily shuddered. "I'd never want you to do that...that's the point...day to day, I could never be...I don't know."

"You're too stubborn, Em, you could never be married to a guy who tried to control you."

"But sometimes..."

"Sometimes it feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yes," she said. "But it would never replace you."

"I read this somewhere, emotionally monogamous, physically promiscuous."

"Yes," she said, "though that's probably a little stark. I'm not promiscuous...that sounds slutty."

"You don't have an inner slut?"

She laughed. "I might have an inner bad girl, maybe even half-slutty, but not promiscuous. I'm never going to be the girl picking up random guys, you know."

"That's not what I want," I said.

"He doesn't either."

"I...we haven't talked about that," I said.

"No, but Matthew and I did. He might have been presumptuous but...he said if...if we were a thing, he and I...the three of us I guess...my words...kind of...it was just him."

"And me, too."

"Yes," she said, "he meant just him as a...lover's not the right word..."

"Boyfriend."

She shrugged, didn't look up...yea, that was the word. "We should get tested."

"You told him that," I asked her.

She was quite for a moment. "He...he said that...I would have...but no, he said that. He...he said..."

"What," I prompted.

"He doesn't like...condoms."

I shuddered, felt dizzy for a moment. "Em..."

"Yea...remember something..."

"What," I asked.

She tightened her grip on me. "Emotionally, you're mine. Only you. I'm yours. I mean, to be honest, I like him...you get that...but it's...it's not...it can't be...this."

There was the fire of this whole thing, the risk of burn. "What if..."

"No...I don't want this from him...sharing of secrets, emotional support. And you need to tell me when it's too much, too hard...too risky. Emotionally, I'm only yours."

"It's dangerous."

"Very," she agreed. "But he gets that. He understands the roles."

"He said that?"

"Yea, actually."

"Wait, wait," I sat up again, "all the roles?"

"Well, not...quite...not Sara...but do you think he'll be surprised? He likes it...being in charge of..."

"A woman?"

"And her husband."

"Why," I asked.

"Why do we like the opposite, who knows."

"He's done this before?"

"Dated a married woman, yea, twice, but they didn't work out."

"Why?" She blushed, looked away.

"You...you should ask him."

"Why," I asked again.

"The husbands were too...competitive with him, saw it ultimately, as a challenge, they weren't...deferential enough."

"Deferential."

"Submissive," she said. "He felt like he was competing with them, leading them. The wife, the couple."

"Em, I'm not going to compete with him."

"Oh, sweetie, I told him...trust me, my husband is never going to try to out man you. He said he got that sense when he picked me up but..."

"I won't, Em."

"No, not that...he...we need to meet, he said...he's right...to talk...the three of us."

I swallowed. "When?"

"He...he'll text you. That's what men do, right?"

"I...I suppose...yes."

"Take charge," she said. "I want to do this," she cuddled, "this."

"Intimacy."

"Emotional intimacy."

3 comments:

  1. WOW Heavy stuff. Cannot wait to hear more! I am so wet!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. you must write a serious book with this. This is a real and incredible love story

    ReplyDelete
  3. I keep thinking there must be something to say, but the words won't come. Wow!!

    xoxoxo

    Christine

    ReplyDelete