Monday, August 18, 2014

Musings

Is this what we want? Is this too much? Is there too much risk? Is it too fast? Is he the right man? Is any man the right man? Should we forget all of this? Are we risking our own relationship?

Who know. Ultimately, I think not. We both think not. And that's the thing. This…not just Matthew…but this…cuckolding…a man…a more open relationship…these are things we both want, full aware of the risks.

I risk that Emily will fall in love with someone else, which would be bad, and that she'll fall out of love with me, which would be devastating.

Emily has a similar risk, that I'll fall out of love with her. That I'll be so jealous, too jealous, that I'll not see her relationship with Matthew (or another man) as part of my relationship with her, but as a betrayal.

We know this. Both of us. We are totally aware of the risks.

But there are rewards, too.

For me, there is the incredibly liberating experience of not being the man, because at times, the pressure to be a man for my wife is, well, overwhelming. Part of this, part of what I like, emotionally, is stepping back, as letting the 'maleness' fall away, of settling to a more subservient, a more submissive role. Emotionally, I do not like trying to be both man and woman for Emily. She wants, like man women, the strong presence of a man. I know this, I feel this, and sometimes I feel pressured to try to fill that need for her and I can't and it bothers me. I'm happier when I don't have to do that.

For me, there's also the incredibly sexual experience of having a strong man in her life as well as mine. Aren't we sexual creatures at our core? If so, I get strong emotional fulfillment when: 1) there is a man being a man, sexually, in our lives and 2) being the submissive sissy.

For Emily, of course, there is much the same.

But the risk…he breaks up what we have.

But the other risk…we're always missing something. Not something that just she wants-this isn't simply about my wife wanting to cheat, wanting someone different, wanting cock-but something we both want.

6 comments:

  1. So what is next another meeting, another date of jsut Matthew texting his directions!

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  2. Sara darling:
    There is no way that Matthew could cause you to break up with Emily. You love her with all of your heart and nothing could impede on your "endless love" for Emily. I've read your blog for too many years not to know deep down in my heart how you feel for her. I understand that you both consider her intimacy to Matthew as NOT cheating, or infidelity, since she is not dating another sissy, she's dating a man. Something that you are not. Maybe you were at some point in your life, but it's evident that you are well past any hope of remission from sissyhood now.
    My fear though, is that Matthew will take advantage of your weakness and submission for his own pleasures, and as a way of humiliating you in front of Emily. I know what he said about not wanting a long term relationship, but as you have expressed, Emily is a special creature, so beautiful and sensual, and so wanting of the attention of both her sissy, but also of a man who can give her REAL INTIMACY.... physical, strong, commanding, etc. I fear that he will eventually fall for Emily, and then will work on demanding that you become so emasculated and feminine that not even Emily would want to stay with you. What if he forces you to dress as risqué as Emily, and want you to go to dinner with them? What if he demands Emily to put you on a hormone regimen? Are you willing to be physically altered forever? I just have so many worries for you. I know, the risks must be high for the rewards to be, but dear Sara, I truly care for you. And Emily.
    Maybe she needs a real man, but from what I can read so far, I don't think that Matthew is the one. I don't trust him. And I think that he doesn't seem capable to think of all three of you when he is satisfying HIS needs with Emily. I have a bad feeling that he's just going to enjoy humiliating you too much in too many ways.
    Love forever to you two
    Jayme
    Please be careful...and go slow.....don't worry about the amusement of all the people who come here just to read your blog and to wish that they had your life....... YOU must be true to EMILY and to YOURSELF. PERIOD

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    Replies
    1. Sara:
      I must be honest with you. I'm actually in tears writing this. That's how worried I am for you. I've always been a very emotional sissy, and I find so much in common between the 2 of us. Remember, we both were boys in ballet........
      So please, please, take care. Here, I'll be as candid as I ever could be...I LOST my Emily to a real man........ And I can never get her back. That's something that will haunt me every day and night for the rest of my life.
      Jayme

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  3. Hi Jayme,

    I have read your 2 comments, and I do not doubt your sincerity. I'm truly sorry for the loss of your Emily, but I do not agree with your assessment of this situation between Sara and Emily.

    Emily knew about Sara before they married. She loves his gentle and feminine nature. She knows he adores her. He is lovely husband, understanding his wifes needs. They are are both nice people. Why would either want this to change ??

    Matthew is not a nice person. He is used to getting what he wants. He is aggressive alpha male. Whilst that is attractive to Emily at moment, I think she will soon tire of this. She will appreciate what her husband has to offer. Matthew wants Emily as whore - fine, but its not really Emily. She is not so shallow. It will not last or threaten their lovely marriage.

    Love Tanya xxx

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  4. Tanya:
    I think that you make great points, and I hope that you are right. You probably are. I do agree that Matthew is not a nice person. But then again, many MEN aren't. They can often be narcissistic, self-centered, not interested at all in the needs of those closest to them, and not very "feeling". Sara is the opposite of all that. I'm sure that Emily will see Matthew for what he really is....simply a physical desire/pleasure. But in the process, I hope that Matthew doesn't do things to Sara that are permanent and not things that Emily wants Sara to become. If you get what I mean. I believe that Emily is happy right now with Sara, Physically, emotionally, everything. I just don't want Sara trying to satisfy Matthew and doing something that Emily finds as "over the line".
    Love
    Jayme

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  5. Thanks for reply Jayme - you sound like a really nice sensitive girl ( like me I hope !!)
    Sara and Emily are lovely couple and I hope nothing happens to change this. I really think Emily, who could be influenced by Matthew, is more intelligent than that, and values what she has with Sara too much.

    We'll watch with interest Jayme !!

    Love Tanya xxxx

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