Friday, August 28, 2015

Blow Jobs


Typical, beta husband:

"Please, honey, you haven't done that in like a year," he begs his wife, his voice shaking.

"You know I don't like to give blow jobs," she says, "they're demeaning."

"But...but I like it."

"Listen, I'm kind of tired, maybe next weekend we can drink some wine and maybe fool around a little...but not that."

Typical, alpha man:

Says nothing, watches her walk into the room, wearing just a garter belt, stockings, and heels, spreads his legs, points to the ground. "Kneel and crawl," he says.

She feels a tingling between her legs, a sensation she never felt with her husband. "But..." she starts to say.

"Now beg," he orders her.

"Beg?" she asks shocked.

"Beg," he repeats.

She kneels, for a split second thinks of her husband, thinks of him begging her to do this, realizes the difference between her husband and her lover, what makes a man, a real man. "Please, Sir, may I suck your cock."

Pretty Little Lies


"We're just friends"

How many wimpy guys hear that from their wives or girlfriends when they ask about some guy at work she's spending so much time with?

"He's harmless, he flirts with everyone."

Of course he does, because he wants to sleep with every pretty girl, including your wife.

"It's just a work thing, you'd be like a third wheel."

Yea, because all women go to dinner with cute co-workers.

"It was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything."

No, it meant everything because it's the start to everything.




The Cuddlezone

"I'm sorry," she giggled, "I...I don't mean to laugh, it's just...it's so small."

"I just showered," he protested, "there...there's shrinkage." She giggled again. "What?" he demanded.

"Sorry," she apologized again, "I just...I've been with a bunch of guys and none of them ever had that problem before. Listen, I'm getting tired, maybe we could just, you know, cuddle."


Friday, August 21, 2015

Date Night Means:

No bra

No wedding ring

No condom

No husband

No worries


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Key

"Wait, wait, what do you mean you don't have the key," I asked in a panic.

"Just that," my wife said, "I don't have the key. Either key."

"Where...where are the keys," I demanded.

"I left them at the office," she said sheepishly.

"Well go get them," I said. "Dammit, what's the matter with you."

"Watch that tone," she snapped. "And I can't."

"Why not?"

"We got an email on Thursday, they're replacing the emergency generator, so there's no power until starting today at five, through the weekend, you're going to have to stay locked up till Monday."

"Jessica, but...wait, you...your mother's coming for dinner. Fuck, Jess, you have to call her."

She grinned, and suddenly I got it.


Monday, August 17, 2015

“Girls trip” to Jamaica


Hurts

"Well I know it hurts, honey, but that's kind of the whole point of the chastity cage, isn't it? I mean, to train you not to swell when you see a pretty woman."