Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Al Playa and Tanya have a discussion about Emily and Sara

In the post Watching, I recounted Matthew's last minute intrusion to my planned Saturday evening with Emily.

Frequent commenters Al Playa and Tanya had a subsequent discussion about the propriety of that, whether Matthew was inappropriately intruding into our marriage.

Tanya wondered if Emily could have met Matthew after the show as she doesn't like the way Matthew can dismiss me like he does.

Al noted the strangeness of our particular relationship, Emily's looking for me to concur in the change in plans, and my conflict in my role in this relationship.

Al also, humorously, that he and Tanya were discussing my and Emily's relationship on Sara's blog without any comment from either of us (welcoming such comment.


So who is right?

Well Tanya, of course! I mean, what kind of man does what Matthew did? He took a woman away from her husband knowing the plans they had together. He interrupted them anyway, saying in actions what he didn't say in words. I'm more important.

But wait. Al's right, too. Matthew made a request (even if couched as a demand). Both Emily or I were free to ignore him. But we didn't.


Emily says, as far as Matthew goes, that he isn't just a "fuck buddy." He may have been merely that at one time, but he's been in our life for almost four years now.

Four years.

Yes. Four years.

He's not just some guy she fucked. Or some guy she fucks. He's a living, breathing human being with feelings, wants, needs, and desires. And after four years, those things are important to Emily.

I asked her once, maybe a year ago, when I couldn't stand the thought anymore, if she loved him.

She bit her lip in the way she does, said she's never said it to him, but still had to think about it. "Maybe in a way," she said, "but not...never...the way I love you."

What's the difference? I'm the person she plans for the future with. I'm the person she'll retire with. I'm the person she still wants a child with. I'm the person she trusts, the person she opens up to, the person who she knows is there for her, now and ever.

Matthew is many things to her, but not those things.

But that begs a question though, doesn't it? How could she leave me that night for him.

Well, as far as I go, there's some strong power exchange shit going on there.

Matthew's a dominant man. We knew that at the beginning. Knew it for the first few months. Know it now. The thing is, he knows it too. And while he may not have appreciated it at the beginning, he gets how assuming the role as the dominant man, as the alpha male, has brought this to heights we'd never have taken if he were more passive.

You all get that, right? As jealous as I get, as troubling as it is sometimes, the role of the submissive is what's most natural for me. I may have been disappointed that I didn't go to the symphony with her, but that day, that time, it was a supremely dominant request and an extremely submissive acquiescence.

Without someone in control, there is chaos. When he's in control, there is peace and order.

Is there danger? Well fuck yes. My singular fear is she'll leave me for him. So we talk about this fear on a semi-regular basis.

Her singular fear is loss of intimacy with me. So we make time for intimacy every single day and every single week.

He has a fear, too, of course. A phone call to my wife that goes unreturned. Ignored texts. Not in a day to day controlling way, but that Emily and I, as the married couple, will come to our senses and just cut him off.

We're his submissives and he doesn't want to lose us. He knows he has control and power day to day, but also knows if he goes too far, if he threatens the bond Emily and I have, he loses.

A strong man leads. Matthew's a strong man. He leads us. He's the alpha male.

A confident woman can follow. Emily's a confident woman. She follows him. She's the alpha female.

A sissy submits. I'm a sissy. As fucked up as it is, I submit to them. When I was young, I didn't understand what it meant to be a sissy. I fantasized about being a cuckold, but didn't really get it. I know watching her dress for a date with her boyfriend, helping her get ready, is a sign to her and to him that I accept these roles.

Recently I helped her dress for a date with him, helped her into a garter belt and stockings. Watched her check her stockings, saw the exposed side boob. Everything screamed "Fuck Me". And watching her, I saw the excitement on her face, knew she was looking forward to the kind of sex only a man like Matthew provides.

And watching me, she saw the jealousy on mine, but knew as difficult as it was, I too was looking forward the evening, wanted to see his reaction when he saw her. And that the biggest expression of my love for her was allowing her to date him and being there for her when she got home.


  1. I appreciate the thoughtful exploration of this episode in terms of the dynamics of a three person relationship. For me, the question is, what are the rules? If your relationship with Emily includes Matthew on the terms that he can require/request cancellation of the plans the two of you have, then that becomes part of your psychological landscape, and he is to be obeyed. It doesn't sound as though he crossed a boundary here, and you had the option of refusing his request. But if you had, your refusal would likely have had the effect of reducing the all-encompassing nature of the submission which you and Emily seem to want to impose on your relationship. So you would have found that option less than satisfactory for what the two of you want out of this relationship. And Matthew does need to have emotional security here, as you point out.

    Given the nature of your submission as Sara, I wonder why there isn't more here about your preparation for Emily's evenings with Matthew. I would think that you would be involved in dressing as well as she--helping each other prepare carefully and anticipating the evening. And that you would then spend the evening waiting in full dressed submission for Emily's return, when the two of you would share reflection on its excitements. You would further intensify the experience for all three of you if, in addition to being caged, you were plugged. Or if Emily restrained you in some manner until her return, so that you would know that during her absence you would be waiting and experiencing the entire evening with physical prods to keep you mindful of who you are and where you have a place in Emily and Matthew's intimacies. Your engagement in these ways would mean that Matthew's request would more fully pull you into the experience he and Emily share. And it would bind Sara and Emily more closely together.

  2. I have to agree with Tanya. I certainly understand the triad relationship having been in one similar, although not to the submissive level as you, Sara. One thing you didn't mention, was this a treat you had planned for Emily or was it something you had both decided to attend previously? If the prior, then I see it as tremendously discourteous of Emily to even ask and tremendously boorish of him to suggest it in the first place. Even if it was the latter, a mutual decision to attend the symphony, to me it still shows poor taste to expect or to even ask you to give up an evening out. I guess what I'm trying to say is, with the relationship between the three of you, they may be the alphas but they still owe you respect in allowing their intimacy. Respect it doesn't seem was given in that case.

  3. Dear Sara
    Completely unexpected and thoroughly appreciated. Thanks! Your open, thoughtful sharing is absolutely beautiful, as always.


  4. Hi Sara,
    Many thanks for your thoughtful blog.
    I do wonder if Emily reads your blog plus comments - would be good to get her perspective.

    I do get the relationship/interraction between you Emily/Matthew. However I have always had a problem when Matthew interferes with your marriage - the concert and weekends away. I know you accept everything Sara, and love Emily unconditionally, and you also accept the humiliation.

    I don't doubt that Emily loves you, but i ask myself "does love you ENOUGH and does she show it ENOUGH ??"
    As we've said before she knows she has her cake and eats it, but in certain areas she SHOULD have more consideration for her loving husband.

    Over the last 3/4 years the red lines have been crossed again and again - Kissing/more intimacy with Matthew, holidays (is a weekend break a holiday ??), and disturbingly she now admits "loving him in a way", when at first she did not even like the man !!

    Being the Alpha male he is, he'd take Emily away from you Sara, if he thought he could get away with it - Only Emily could stop that.

    Be Wary Sara, and hurry up with your plans to start a family - eliminate Matthew from your happy lives, at least temporarily, hopefully permanently.

    Love always

    Tanya xxxxx

  5. Complicated questions, insightful analysis, things I'll blog about :)