Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Following Up

It's interesting, she misses 'it' not 'him'.

I asked her about that, why the 'it' and not the 'him'.

"I don't know," Emily said, "I guess...I mean...I liked him...I liked him a lot, don't get me wrong, I just...I miss the other stuff, too. The flirting with different guys. Teasing you with different guys. Different guys. I don't know."

"So what are you doing...after..."

"After after? Losing the baby weight," she said touching her growing stomach, "fitting into a tight black dress again."


I pictured her, smiled. "I mean, are you seeing him again?"

"Maybe once for 'old time sake' or whatever, but I don't think...I don't know if I want to date him again."

"You just want to fuck him," I said. The words sound harsh, but my tone was anything but.

"Maybe," she smiled. "He's good. Really good. And I miss it, I do. I miss his...I don't know..."

"His masculinity," I suggested.

"Yea," she said. "He's got a way. His dominance. His...everything..."

"But..."

"I don't know," she said, "maybe I'm being silly."

"You...you don't have to," I said.

"Is that code for you don't want me to?" she asked.

"No. I mean...I don't want to suggest whatever you want is okay, but...I guess I feel like I want to give you some deference, too."

She reached over, touched me leg, smiled. "You're such a doll," she said. "I know you worry, maybe that's part of it."

"I trust you," I quickly said.

"I know, but you worry just the same, don't you? It's natural."

"I trust you," I said again.

"Do you trust him?"

I thought about it. "Oddly, I do."

"Why?"

"He doesn't seem like the type of guy to settle down."

"No," she laughed. "He's not. He's not that at all. I know he liked what we had but I really never got the sense he wanted more. That he wanted all this...the emotional intimacy. Heck, he's said it, hasn't he? He has emotional detachment issues. I'm not sure he's capable of love."

"I get that sense, too, Em, I suppose that's why I trust him."

"And here I thought I was giving you an out," she said.

"I thought the same," I said softly.

"God, here I am thinking you're worried about me falling for him, do I have to be worried about the opposite?"

"What's that mean?" I asked.

"Maybe you're the one I need to worry about!"

"Emily!"

"I'm just saying..."

"You're mean," I pouted.

"I'm teasing, Sara, I'm teasing. I get it it, I do. It seemed natural, didn't it, having a dominant man around."

"He just...I don't know..."

"Got us?" she asked.

"I suppose," I said.

"Well, we have awhile, don't we. To think about it."

"Yea," I said, "I suppose we do."


2 comments:

  1. Hi Sara,
    Your last 2 posts are really interesting. It’s good she misses “it” rather than him.
    I was always quite critical of her relationship with Matthew. Red lines were crossed too soon and too regularly, eg weekends away, and too much intimacy.
    Also the way he interfered with your preplanned arrangements eg the musical recital.

    When baby is born and growing up, time alone together for you and Emily will become precious. A “regular” interloper in your home and lives may not be welcome or suitable.
    That does not mean Emily should be deprived of “It” when she wants or needs it. A review of the red lines may be needed.
    Good luck the pair of you - i’m Sure you will be wonderful parents !!!

    Love always Tanya xxxxxx

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  2. "It seemed natural, didn't it, having a dominant man around."

    I'm sure it absolutely did.

    Like Tanya though, I think he didn't value your relationship with Emily enough. How much is "enough"? I don't know, but I don't think he did.

    It? Yeah, we all need some of "it." :)

    xxxxxx

    Christine

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